Life is always about adapting. No one can ever be who you want them to be or treat you the way you want to be treated. It's all on you to adapt to their style and accept that in whatever way they show you care (or lack of it), that's their right. That's their choice. We can't force or make them do what we want them to do. Even if you did, there's no sincerity in it. It will not last long. People gotta do things on their own. With their own mind. Not coerced or compelled. You decide if you want to put up with it (if its worth the patience) or walk away so you and them both find better life and/or life partner. Simple as that.But the difficult part is in executing. It ain't that easy. Especially when you are emotionally attached to them. You want so bad for them to understand you. You dont want to let go. Desperately seeking ways to make them understand. You know what? I did the same mistake too. Not realizing that while I have some changes I expect in them, they too expect some changes in me. I didn't realize I was holding on to love and not let go, for fear of being alone,fearing the pain seeing my loved ones with someone else. No matter how noble your intention is, you need to step back and ask if you are thiking of more of an "I wish you would be this way" as opposed to "what can we both do to make it better". Use a 'we' thinking as opposed to an "I".
Find a point to compromise. There are things which can't be done overnight. Accept that in time it might go away. What can or can't you tolerate? Identify those and discuss about it. The key here is both party have to agree in wanting to save the relationship. If there's ego, if there's selfishness and need to dominate, then the relationship is doomed to faill.
And another painful truth is that you need to know when to let go. I suck big time at this. I am clingy, always thinking that my love is real and true (which it is) but the fact is, I never realize the pain I am causing to the one I claim I love by forcing them to stay. It is in their best interest that I let them go.
Sometimes when I arrive at the point where I let go, I have seen the love coming back to me. Its true when some say 'If you let go of love and it come finds you again, than its yours to begin with' . This is not to say that the same love will not want to be let go again. Its a cycle. Life is about changes and adapting. As we go along, facing challenges in life, we evolve, we change, we adapt. And people's feeling changes too. We need to respect that, as painful as it is. We just have no choice. Life, marriage, relationship is not abt you alone. It involves others. You can't fight the battle alone if the other person walks out. Accept defeat because in that defeat lies your victory ahead. You just got to trust that time would bring you the answer.
If life is as easy as getting everything we want, we will never learn the meaning of appreciation, gratitude and wisdom. In order to gain something, we need to lose something. Sometimes the price of losing something is way too costly for us to handle/bear but such is life. All the obstacles moulds us into a mature human being, better than when we started. As the saying goes ' Obstacles will not leave you the way it found you'.
May we all get the wisdom and strength to adapt,evolve and let go.
(original post on:22nd Oct 2009)
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