Sometimes ..

Sometimes,
I long for solitude
so my emotions could take charge
and rip the deceitful mask I wear
revealing the truth
behind each smiles I fake

sometimes,
I wish to cry out aloud
and tear my lungs apart
spitting out the pain I ingest
in every breath I swallowed

sometimes,
just sometimes..
I wanted to believe
that someone would actually notice
the missing sparkles in my eyes
and offer to know why..

but sadly,
hopes gets crushed
along with the heart
..
..
sometimes.



~Nisha~
10.08pm
29 Dec 2011

Rotten Aqidah IS our fault..

Assalamualaikum,

You can’t run away from feeling dismayed, disappointed and even enraged when you look at some of the headlines on newspaper, especially one that reveals the aqidah state of our fellow muslims. Granted, none of us are free from sin and of course, I am of no exception either. I have had my fair share of sin I’ve committed out of my own stupidity over the years. Yet hearing about cases of teen being impregnated by their boyfriends, seeing some of them parading their beauty in online mediums just to get (and seek) attention of their male followers, allowing their erotic acts be recorded on camera in the name of love (to be kept as memorabilia ..pffttt) etc, is hard to digest. Why are these things still happening despite the numerous news and warnings on such behavior and its consequences have been highlighted before? Why aren’t these girls learning anything at all? Does being an object of desire means so much to them that they let go of their morals in the name of love and fame? Why the blind trust on their so-called boyfriends –did they really think that none of the things reported in the news would ever happen to them?

Blind trusts aside, what worries me is how women easily let their guards down in the name of love. Have they forgotten the ultimate aim in life is to love and worship the Creator of this universe and not idolize or be idolized by any tom,dick or harry instead?

To whom the worldly life is dearer than the Hereafter, and who prevent from the way of Allah and wish deviations in it; they are in extreme error. [Ibrahim 14:3]

We get engrossed with the fun and fame of this world that we easily neglect our purpose in life. Who do we blame? The upbringing? It’s not an easy task for parents to be guarding their children 24/7 but nurturing the child and instilling religion as strong foundation from a young age could have made some difference. Could have.

It’s such a sad fact that in wanting to provide sustenance for the family we love, we overlook the importance of giving our children the required dosage of spirituality which can be the one thing they can use as shield in facing this ruthless world.

So I bring you back to the question of Aqidah – why do we easily forego God? Why do we forget that this world is but a mere transit place before we go to our eternal placing? We all KNOW this and at least have heard of it, yet is it the fact that it’s not to be experienced until after our death is making it easy for us to shove it at the back of our head, if not completely wiped out of our mind?

What do we do to tackle this matter? We can’t carry on our lives ignoring our surrounding. We should not be stepping back because we don’t want to poke our nose in somebody else’s business. It IS our business. Everybody’s. These girls, these women are part of us, our society. More so if they are also fellow Muslims, we are obligated to repair their aqidah. By ‘minding own business’, we are actually telling God that we don’t care about what He has ordained.

Whoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter).[Al-Nahl 16:97]

Let us find strength to fight our own desires and correct ourselves in the way our deen require from us. We don’t have to go state to state to preach. Let us begin by being a role model to our own family. Lets expand from there. We can’t preach what we don’t practice,yea? When we work on improving ourselves in being a obedient Muslim, we then can find courage to extend our knowledge to others. Instill strong foundation in our children that Allah comes first ,more than anything else in this world. No one who makes us stray can lead us to Jannah. They need to know this and it IS our duty as a parents,siblings,family and friends to guide whom we see have digress from this path.

Let us seek protection from Allah that moving forward He may keep us safe from deviating the deen’s teachings and may He give us a heart that hates everything and everyone who disobeys Allah. Amin

“So do not ever assume that Allah will not fulfil His promise to His Noble Messengers; indeed Allah is the Dominant, the Avenger. On the day when the earth will be changed to other than this earth, and the heavens - and they will all come forth standing before Allah, the One, the Dominant above all. And on that day you will see the guilty linked together in chains. Their cloaks will be of pitch and fire will cover their faces. In order that Allah may repay each soul what it had earned; indeed Allah spends no time in judging the account. This is the message to be conveyed to all mankind - and in order to warn them with it, and for them to know that He is the only One God, and for men of understanding to heed advice. [Ibrahim 14:47-52]”


May we scintillate -Islamically :)

Keikhlasan

Assalamualaikum,

Setelah sekian lama tidak melakar kata di lembaran maya, terdetik hati untuk mencurah fikiran di minda hari ini. Segalanya bermula tatkala mata terpandang sesuatu kelebihan rakan berbanding diri. Terdetik di hati persoalan 'apa kekurangan usaha diriku?'. Namun, aku 'redha' ,menepiskan persoalan yang timbul ke belakang benak minda. Usah dilayan,kata hati.

Ternyata aku tidak 'ikhlas'.

Sewaktu solat terawih melangkaui 12 rakaat,mulalah keletihan melanda dan pelbagai fikiran datang menjenguk. Perbandingan antara kelebihan rakan berbanding diri timbul kembali. Selang seli ku tepis, tidak ingin hilang keusyukan solat, tetapi kebangkitan persoalan kekurangan diri kali ini menebal. Sehinggakan selepas tarawih ku rasa keletihan minda. Suatu perasaan suram melanda. Aku sedih,

Keadaan berlarutan tika subuh. Fikiranku masih membisikkan kata 'simpati' pada diriku. Berulang kali aku katakan pasrah dan redha,tapi ternyata aku tidak ikhlas.

Menjelang zohor , aku berusaha untuk membaca surah al-hasr ayat ke-10 ,memohon agar Allah menghapuskan rasa 'dengki' hatiku. Apa aku dengki? Bukan,bukan dengan sahabatku. Tapi dengan kedudukan aku dikala itu.Mula aku mempersoalkan keikhlasan aku memandangkan begitu sukar utk aku menerima kata 'redha' yang seringkali mulut aku ucapkan.

Sejauh mana kita mengamalkan keikhlasan dgn Allah?

Kita kata kita redha, kita pasrah, Allah maha berkuasa, Allah penentu rezeki dll - apakah kita benar2 menyakini apa yg kita ungkapkan? atau ianya cuma sekadar luahan bibir yang tidak mampu mententeramkan hati kita?

Astagfirullahazim, Allah itu kan maha Adil. Jika kita terasa kekurangan dlm nikmat yg kita peroleh berbanding yang lain, apakah kita muhasabah diri mencari puncanya yg barangkali berasal dr diri kita sendiri? Mungkin usaha yg kita lakukan tidak setanding yg lain?
Acapkali kita mengatakan Allah uji hambanya yang Dia sayang, kerana ingin meninggikan martabat kita..sekali lagi aku bertanya -apakah kita benar2 redha atau sekadar kata pemanis mulut penyedap telinga sahaja?

Ku harap kita kaji diri kita sendiri,sejauh mana kita ikhlas kerana Allah dan demi Allah. Moga kita bersungguh-sungguh dalam meyakini bahawa Allah tahu apa yang baik dan buruk untuk kita. Mungkin apa yang pada fikiran kita baik,rupa2nya buruk untuk kita?

Banyakkan berdoa dgn airmata pada Allah agar memberi hati yg bebas dari hasad dengki,iri hati mahupun hati yang sayu dengan kekurangan diri. Carilah kekuatan dengan benar yakin dan Ikhlas padaNya,

رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنا وَ لِإِخْوانِنَا الَّذينَ سَبَقُونا بِالْإيمانِ وَ لا تَجْعَلْ في قُلُوبِنا رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنا وَ لِإِخْوانِنَا الَّذينَ سَبَقُونا بِالْإيمانِ وَ لا تَجْعَلْ في قُلُوبِنا Wahai Tuhan Kami! Ampunkanlah dosa kami dan dosa saudara-saudara kami yang mendahului kami dalam iman dan janganlah Engkau jadikan dalam hati perasaan hasad dengki dan dendam terhadap orang-orang yang beriman. Wahai Tuhan kami! Sesungguhnya Engkau Amat Melimpah belas kasihan dan rahmatMu.

Amin.

~Nisha~

If you could hear what I couldn't speak..

Assalamualaikum.

I am a sorry excuse for a blogger aren't I? If only what I thought in mind can directly find a way to type itself into this portal, then I dare say I'd have surpassed any maximum posts allowed limit ;if there was one :)
Such is the mind ,isn't it? 60 thousand thoughts per day,apparently.(God knows who had the time to make those counts!)

Anyway,yes, I have been wanting to write like everyday! I'd see something that I'd wanna be writing about, -some people, some character, some colour, some moments, some silence, some noises, some love, some hatred, some pain- you name it! almost anything I lay my eyes on will remind me of something I'd like to write about.However, I was just being plain lazy. I easily let work get in the way but mostly, my health have become a hindrance much to my dismay. But its okay, I'm here now.

You know, I had this sudden 'realization' yesterday :
'ahhh, what a noisy world it would have been had God made the voices of the heart be heard by all'

Can you imagine how would that have been if we all could just say everything we want without having to keep anything hidden? Man, wouldn't that get us in trouble!
The pro part of it is that people would know exactly what you want, but the worst is what you'd feel if they choose to clearly ignore that because they just couldn't be bothered? What would THAT do to our self-esteem? I mean, aren't we the kind to justify and 'forgive' someone for hurting us because we give them the benefit of the doubt that they did what they did because they do not understand our unspoken needs and wants? So what would happen if we no longer have that cushiony thought to hold on to anymore ? I shudder at the thought of how mankind could have been more cut throat and direct had this been the case.

Fortunately for us, the all Wise and Praise worthy God had granted  us these silent words...the kind that is only heard by you and known to Him alone. One that you could use when the verbal texts (and/or humans) fail you.
One that makes you wanna be grateful, for silence and secrets.

"...Did I not tell you that  I know the secrets of heaven and earth, and I know what ye reveal and what ye conceal" ( Quran 2:33)

May you scintillate!
~Nisha~

When prayer became secondary...

Assalamualaikum.

I decided to touch Al-Quran today after 'watching' it sitting majestically before my eyes for I-can't-remember-how-long. Often, I feel 'guilty' each time my eyes dawn upon the precious holy book of ours without me spending a decent 5minutes even to flip through its pages,let alone recite a surah. Today, I wanted to break that dry spell.

I have a copy of 'The Meaning of Holy Quran' by Abdullah Yusuf Ali - one of my favourite scholar. The Quran was a gift from my dad years ago;its something I hold very dear to my heart. Shame on me , my 'precious' Quran has become an object I love but failed to 'show' my affection on.

Much like how humans are with God, specifically in this context for me, to Allah SWT. Day in and day out we are blessed with so many things - with life, sight,hearing,touch,smell,sustenance - yet,how often do we thank Him?

I find myself spending awful lot of hours for work need, rushing to meet impossible deadlines even if it means I need to stay up at night. Yet I find myself giving excuses and lame reasoning of 'tired' and 'sleepy' about waking in the middle of the night to perform tahajjud (special,highly recommended prayer). Why did god, and seeking a spot in jannah had to take second place when compared to dunya? Why did I fear not meeting a deadline more than praying on time? How selfish I had become ;astagfirullahalazim.:(

I'd like to share a quote from Al-Quran narration which was made by Yusuf Ali about surah Al-Fatihah, that pretty much serves as a reminder to us all at times like this -where prayer has become a 'chore' or secondary:

"Allah needs no praise,for He is above all praise;He needs no petition,for He knows our needs better than we do ourselves; and His bounties are open without asking; to the righteous and the sinner alike. The prayer is for our own spiritual education,consolation and confirmation"

We pray for our own benefit in life and afterlife yet how easily we forsake that over trivial things. Here's hoping this had served as a reminder to us all.

May we repent and may our repentence be accepted Insya Allah.

Fibro (WHAT?) myalgia, again?

Does the image on the left here resembles you in any way? Have you feel the tightness around the shoulder? A knot in the musles?
Well, you could very well be a candidate for Fibromyalgia diagnosis. Find out what I had to go through before I was diagnosed with it.

I was struggling with my shoulder pain,mostly, for a very long period of time. I blamed the initial pain to the ergonomics, as in the improper posture at my workplace and when I work from home, especially. After complaints to the Environmental,Health & Safety coordinator, I was given a under tray for keyboard and mouse to neutralize the positioning of my arms close to my body . That makes it better for a while. But,being that the damage was done, my arms continued to feel the pain and numbness and my shoulder cramps hardly subside. I furthered my symptom validation with the doctors and to ease the numbness of my hand, I was diagnosed having a Carpal Tunnel Syndrome,for which I had to undergo a minor surgery. While I was home recuperating, I felt the pain on my shoulder was slightly better.

For the first time in my adult life, I tried body massage. Ohhh,that felt heavenly when the masseus manage to hit the right spot and tried to undo the 'knots' of the muscles...oh yeah! The massage helped and not to mention,the fact that I was away from computer for couple of weeks helped me to resume my work as normal for a while. However, as I hit extensive work schedule, the pain returned. I survived with massaging every month or so, but it seemened ridiculous for me spending RM100 p/m on it! My quality of life was severely impacted. I was feeling tired-lethargic even, and I just wanna lay down when I'm back from work without moving my body cos I'll feel so exhausted and dont want to aggrevate the pain. Imagine asking your mom or siblings to rub your back each time you feel you can't stand the pain! It was getting to annoy them as much as it annoyed me. There had to SOMETHING that could be done, right?

To make matters worst, my eyesight was giving me problems. It was dry, it was sore , it was sooo strained! I could literally feel my eyeballs burn when I pour on the eye drops.Having headaches and coupled with the non-stop shoulder (upper back) pain, affected my mood. I got easily agitated though I try to calm myself as much as possible from snapping at everyone.My trip to General Practicioners resulted in them suspecting I have migraine issue. The pain killer they gave, helped to an extent that I believed that, that could be it. But as usual, the pain comes back, regardless if I wear my spec (which I recently had to acquire to due an asticmatism diagnosis), or not.

If you have been reading this far, you'll be confused as to WHAT is the main cause of my problem since my pains seems to be widespread -from head, to dry and sore eyes, to arm and the neverending shoulder /upper back pain- right? Well, so thought a GP and he diagnosed me with a Ankylosing spondylitis ,which seemed quite accurate at that moment - with the joint pain and all. So I was referred to a hospital for further tests. It was after few MRI sessions that I was then re-diagnosed with Fibromyalgia-when they couldn't find nothing wrong with my brain,bones/spine.

You can find more information about Fibromyalgia here. Basically fibromyalgia is related to a widespread of pain related to muscles. It would impact your sleep, your quality of life and even your eye-sight if left un-treated. It's a nerve issue where your brain has an increased perception of pain. The doctor who treat you would prescribe nerve vitamins , muscle relaxants and sleep aids to help you recuperate. Here are list of medications I was dispensed with :

• Neurontin (GABAPENTIN) -100mg < a powerful drug,causes drowsiness and makes me sleepy
• NEUROBION - This is nerve vitamins B1,B6,B12 all encompassing
• AMITRIPTYLINE-10mg -only to be taken at night.
• CONTROLOC Pantoprazole - this is for gastric patients , to be taken b4 meals

Be sure you to take note on the pains you are experiencing and the symptoms and be sure to tell your doctor ALL about it, regardless of how silly and un-related it may seem. You could just save yourself further torture and get the right medicine to help make you feel better. The medicines, along with physiotheraphy sessions will help you feel much better in short period of time.

End your suffering. Get treated soon.

May you scintillate!

How Islam Honours Women

Assalamualaikum, May Peace be with you.

Islam, a religion that wishes PEACE as greeting to muslims and strangers alike, are accused of being the religion that ill treats people and condones war. *smirk* Such blatant lie and every man with an unsound mind will believe it to be true. Cos only they can believe such a fake propaganda. For one with a sound mind will say 'no religion teaches bad thing'. That is what I told a friend when he asked me to verify the story which was written by the Egyption born muslim women who later converted to Christianity.

Well, the essence of that article basically say how women are opressed in Islam and how Islam encourages violence. It's funny for me to read about the author who CLEARLY mentioned that it was her UPBRINGING which led her to believe that all Jews are bad. Now, did she point out a line in Quran that says Hate them jews? Heck, for anyone who ever read Quran, will know that Jew's are among the People of the Book - the members of the religions who abide by the Divine Books revealed by God. Throughout Islamic history, the People of the Book have been always treated with tolerance in Muslim societies. This was particularly evident in the Ottoman Empire. It is a well known fact that the Jews, whose rights were denied and were exiled by the Catholic Kingdom of Spain, took refuge in the lands of the Ottoman Empire.

I am no scholar to be talking much abt this. What I wanted to quote here are verses from Quran that shows how women should be regarded.

Men are allowed to marry 4 PROVIDED they can be justful to all of them:
004.003
YUSUFALI: If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

Marrying a women WITHOUT their consent is not permissable:

004.019
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.


Punishment to women should they DISOBEY their husbands should never be HARSH
004.034
YUSUFALI: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).


Women CAN get a DIVORCE
004.128
YUSUFALI: If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practise self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

Islam DOESN'T condone ADULTERY
017.032
YUSUFALI: Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).

Anyone who wants to ACCUSE women of adultery shall have 4 witness (its not a rule imposed only if women wants to accuse their men!!)

024.004
YUSUFALI: And those who launch a charge against chaste women, and produce not four witnesses (to support their allegations),- flog them with eighty stripes; and reject their evidence ever after: for such men are wicked transgressors;-
024.006
YUSUFALI: And for those who launch a charge against their spouses, and have (in support) no evidence but their own,- their solitary evidence (can be received) if they bear witness four times (with an oath) by Allah that they are solemnly telling the truth;
024.007
YUSUFALI: And the fifth (oath) (should be) that they solemnly invoke the curse of Allah on themselves if they tell a lie.

Women are RESPECTED, men are NOT to slander women at will!
024.023
YUSUFALI: Those who slander chaste women, indiscreet but believing, are cursed in this life and in the Hereafter: for them is a grievous Penalty,-


As for how Islam advocates peace, there are many verses for that too. I happen to find a website that this is also answered there..so please browse 'em through there. Some excerpts are here :

1. Behave with courtesy :
Consider, for instance, the following verse, which is supposed to instruct Muslims as to how they should deal with non-Muslims in the midst of hostilities (such as war): 9:6 And if any of the Idolatries (who are fighting you) seeks thy protection, grant him protection, so that he might [be able to] hear the word of God [from thee]; and thereupon convey him to a place where he can feel secure:
If Muslims are to behave with such clemency and magnanimity vis-a-vis the infidel during times of war and conflict, how much more should be expected of their interactions with non-Muslims during times of peace?

2. Respect his freedom of choice to be a "Disbeliever" - as this is a right bestowed upon humanity by God:
Quran 18:29 proclaims, "The truth is from your Lord": it is the free will of any person to believe (in God) or to be an Infidel (Un believer).

3. Even if a Muslim should be convinced that someone is a non-believer, still he must accept that his fate is in the hands of God alone, since no one human can condemn another - this must be left to the judgment of God.
Quran 88:25-26 for behold, unto (ONLY) Us (means God) will be their return, Then it will be for (ONLY) Us to Judge (humans).
22:17 Those who believe (in the Qur'an), those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Sabians (can mean an ancient religion or people with no specific religion), Christians, Magians, and Polytheists,- God will judge between them on the Day of Judgment: for God (alone) is witness of all things.


http://www.islamforpeace.org/quran.html


I think the above have helped to shed some light. Please feel free to add on or correct should I misquoted/misstated anything. Allah is all knoweth. May HE bless us all with peace and mutual respect. Insya Allah


Wassalam,
~Nisha~


original-June 3 2010

'Peace' of your Joy

May Peace Be With You.

Recently,I have come to acknowledge how profound the need to have peace in ones life. You tend to neglect this crucial aspect of life as you join in with the chase of the world; in your pursuit for fame and fortune. How easily we overlook the littlest thing that makes our living worthwhile - like family and friends, like calm and peace.

Have you stopped to ask yourself if you are really HAPPY with your life? Are you proud of your achievements thus far? And if you had say "Yes" to either of the question, then answer this too ; Did you have to sacrifice your loved ones time or happiness along the journey of your quest? Think hard before you answer...cos I'm pretty sure, someone had to take a back-seat while you were focused on the front.

My entry today is not to condemn your need to succeed. Granted, for you to rise in this fast paced world, you need to stand out among the rest. However, I just want this entry to tap into your thoughts and shift it to your loved ones - parents, spouse,children, guardian, friends; i.e The ones who always have to be sacrificing their wish and wants in spending quality time with you -taking a stroll,going for a movie, having dinner or just talk- simply because they want you to strive for what you deemed, was important for you.

You see, I have constantly heard people saying that their loved ones are the main reason for them to be seeking wealth in the first place. But what good would a wealth do if you never get to spend it with your loved ones, while they are still here, breathing? If you go out before the sun rise and return home after the moon is out, where is the quality of your life? Of your family's lives, rather? Do you realize that by thinking you deserve to be given credit for the hard-work you been doing for your family,that you are refusing to acknowledge-if not belittle- the time your family member had to forego in solitude while waiting for you? Who's to say that a wife who is a home maker are having it easy? Try spending a whole day at home sitting and slouching, watching TV and cleaning the house from sun up to sun down and answer if that was 'easy'?

It saddens me to watch aging parents never catch a glimpse of their child anymore while they sit in fear counting the last day of their lives. It's heart wrenching to watch a child who was rewarded with a STAR from his teacher for his 'artistic' crayon smudge had to first share that news with the chauffeur who was designated to pick him up from nursery. It's torturing to watch a romantic love story when your other half was rarely in sight anymore. These are just some random cases of the sacrifices people are making silently while we go around making money in the name of our loved ones. Ironic, We are blinded to the suffering of the very same ones we thought we were caring for!

So I ask you today, to stop feeling victimized in not getting the right 'appreciation' and turn to appreciate the ones who deserve it no less than you too,instead. You can never fail to feel contend watching the spark in your parents eye while you hold their hand and take them for a walk, the pride in your childs eye when you pat them in delight for their 'gigantic' achievements and the tears in your wife's eye when you wrap your arms around her and say 'thank you' for all her effort in managing your home. Better yet, if you seal it with a kiss ;)

Go on, go try it. You could never go wrong when you make someone happy. The real success in life is when you strike a balance between LIFE and work ; not the other way around.

You'll understand what peace is when you know you brought joy to others.


May you Scintillate!

A tribute to 'Chris Medina's'

May Peace Be With You

A month ago the name Chris Medina may have meant very little or nothing to us. But ever since the talented 26 yr old sprung into American Idol Audition in Milwaukee, bringing along his love story for his high school sweetheart whom he was to marry but end up brain-dead after an accident story, he has touched MANY of us; making his 1st 'debut' in international arena. People who watch AI , now talks about Chris Medina & Juliana Ramos, his lucky g/f more so than the other contestants,I'm sure.

To be honest, he was not the first guy I have heard doing similar things in the name of love, taking care of their paralysed g/f. There was this guy in India whose story was shared in FB links a while back too, buy I couldn't recall the name. Alas, the thing that touches our heart is, how people still uphold love. How MEN upholds love, I must say ( sorry, this is a talk from a girls point of view -I can't help being biased at times ;)

I am a big sucker for love, as is any girls,I'm sure - afterall , we were brought up with fairy tales of 'Prince Charming's and 'Knights in Shining Armours' etc that we almost always grow up devoting ourselves to the 1st guy who brings up that love in us instantly! But as how life would have fated for us, reality differs than that of the lovely princesses.

We would have had our heart -or worst, Trust- broken by a guy at some point. Especially if you are among the statistics who were involved in a romantic relationship at a very young age. You know, the kind they say monkey love? (Btw, you know why its called Monkey love right? - cos our infatuations (tho you'll call it true love) changes, transfers to someone else within short period of time. Yup-I know, it's more so for the guys ;)
What? I'm just sayin :)

Anyways,
So if you had a relationship at a young age (its subjective to define how young is young-but lets just stick to the time when the hormone goes bezerk - ie our teens aite?), chances are you are probably with someone else right now than the guy who you had crush on initially -who by now is 'un-fondly' remembered as someone who crushed your heart. Ironic kan? The one you have crush on crushes you?

You see,people are in exploratory mode during such a age. Everything seems new and exciting and beautiful when love comes. And the exact opposite when love chose to leave. The couple may have parted for many reasons, some might have to sacrifice for the sake of family ; some due to distance, some due to third party and some simply because the other party we were involved with were just tricking us into believing they cared. But the fact is, our feelings have lost its source for existence. It hurts really really bad, I know.

Only a small percentage of people are lucky enough to be in a relationship for life. Or to be with the same guy they had first dated until death do them part. Much like the story of our Chris Medina.
Men like Chris Medina show us how it should be if love is genuine. When you love someone, you just love them for everything that they are or they would become in future. You don't love someone while they are healthy, or pretty or wealthy and leave the next second that they lose all or part of that trait. You must stay devoted to them through thick and thin, till death do you part - perhaps...and then some.

It's always easy to give up and walk away. It's always easier to throw away things citing difficulties, necessities -biological need; or even giving in to temptations. The real challenge is to stay put, to hold on, to defy all obstacles with love as your armour. If you withstand all that, than you would leave on a legacy of your own - to many people (like me) who could be on the verge of giving up on love.

So I am just gonna dedicate this entry to all such men and women out there, who despite facing the many forms of life's challenges, still manage to keep your loyalty and love to the person who have trusted you with theirs.

To all 'Chris Medina's' out there - hats off to you.

"He whose heart is alive with love does not die;
Rather his imprint lasts forever,recorded in the annals of history"

Chris Medina

Evolve,Change & Adapt

Life is always about adapting. No one can ever be who you want them to be or treat you the way you want to be treated. It's all on you to adapt to their style and accept that in whatever way they show you care (or lack of it), that's their right. That's their choice. We can't force or make them do what we want them to do. Even if you did, there's no sincerity in it. It will not last long. People gotta do things on their own. With their own mind. Not coerced or compelled.

You decide if you want to put up with it (if its worth the patience) or walk away so you and them both find better life and/or life partner. Simple as that.But the difficult part is in executing. It ain't that easy. Especially when you are emotionally attached to them. You want so bad for them to understand you. You dont want to let go. Desperately seeking ways to make them understand. You know what? I did the same mistake too. Not realizing that while I have some changes I expect in them, they too expect some changes in me. I didn't realize I was holding on to love and not let go, for fear of being alone,fearing the pain seeing my loved ones with someone else. No matter how noble your intention is, you need to step back and ask if you are thiking of more of an "I wish you would be this way" as opposed to "what can we both do to make it better". Use a 'we' thinking as opposed to an "I".

Find a point to compromise. There are things which can't be done overnight. Accept that in time it might go away. What can or can't you tolerate? Identify those and discuss about it. The key here is both party have to agree in wanting to save the relationship. If there's ego, if there's selfishness and need to dominate, then the relationship is doomed to faill.

And another painful truth is that you need to know when to let go. I suck big time at this. I am clingy, always thinking that my love is real and true (which it is) but the fact is, I never realize the pain I am causing to the one I claim I love by forcing them to stay. It is in their best interest that I let them go.

Sometimes when I arrive at the point where I let go, I have seen the love coming back to me. Its true when some say 'If you let go of love and it come finds you again, than its yours to begin with' . This is not to say that the same love will not want to be let go again. Its a cycle. Life is about changes and adapting. As we go along, facing challenges in life, we evolve, we change, we adapt. And people's feeling changes too. We need to respect that, as painful as it is. We just have no choice. Life, marriage, relationship is not abt you alone. It involves others. You can't fight the battle alone if the other person walks out. Accept defeat because in that defeat lies your victory ahead. You just got to trust that time would bring you the answer.

If life is as easy as getting everything we want, we will never learn the meaning of appreciation, gratitude and wisdom. In order to gain something, we need to lose something. Sometimes the price of losing something is way too costly for us to handle/bear but such is life. All the obstacles moulds us into a mature human being, better than when we started. As the saying goes ' Obstacles will not leave you the way it found you'.

May we all get the wisdom and strength to adapt,evolve and let go.









(original post on:22nd Oct 2009)

So what is Love, actually?

I begin this entry by sharing a quote that sum up both the pain and joys of life.

“The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.”
~John Vance Cheney

Isn’t it true, that there won’t be a meaning to happiness without experiencing heartache of some-sort? And likewise, a wounded heart would have nothing to look forward for without hope that no matter how bad a situation is that it would change, in a matter of time. Oh how dull life would be if you had lost such a faith!

Let’s face it, who haven’t been hurt? Everyone has, one or way or another, I’m sure. The degree of the pain however, may differ depending on graveness of the event one has to face. But who are we to judge? A thing that appear trivial to you could be the most important aspect in someone’s life. To each,their own.

And the irony of all these pandemic of pain is that it’s somehow connected to ‘Love’. From failing to get an object of love and desire, to losing that object to eternal loss or betrayal gnaw one’s soul so much that it blinds them (some momentarily, while others permanently) from seeing the future, from seeing any ray of hope in surviving it. Somehow, it would seem like the sky had crushed onto us.; that the world has ended and everything around us has vanished and we are left alone, wandering blindfolded, frantically searching for something solid to hold onto; something that would make us feel safe again, feel protected. Ever felt like that before?  Yea, I figured you would have.

The fact is, a part of us may have died when we get trials in life, but look at us? We are very much alive to continue on the legacy of mankind. To grow, procreate and yes, to love yet again. Afterall, the world revolves around love,right?

So what is Love, actually?

I ever wondered during my young age, why is love – the one thing that’s said to have the cure for all pain end up CAUSING such a pain in the first place? Has ‘love’ lost its healing touch over the years? It surely MUST be the case, coz love is all I did but pain is all I was returned with.

Ya I know – drama drama drama! It seem so dramatic now – must be the effect of watching too many mushy stories I tell ya ;) – but when I was experiencing it, it was all that I felt. Nothing else-just profound pain.

I was too focused on the loss of mine that I was completely ignorant to the fact that there were many many MANY caring hearts around me who was offering love in my direction; hoping I’ll grab it all and regain my ‘sight’ once again.

What makes me to not ‘see/accept’ the care those people were showing me? They were showing their love for me too,but somehow its not the kind I wanted – not from the one I wanted! Doesn’t this mean that love is all about how I perceive the emotion of affection given to me? It’s all in my head! Literally! 

So I began to realize one thing – that love still has it’s touch afterall ;)

Well, yes, but no, my realization was deeper than that. I realize that I hurt not because I lost the person I gave that love to – but because the love I gave was not returned in the same way I had expected or hoped it would be. In short –things didn’t go the way “I” want.

So what did I want? It’s the same as any of you who have had an object of desire that you love. You want it to be your OWN; for you to have your ownership claim on it; for it/them to alwaysbe at your arms length. Right? I did the same mistake.

I was elated when I had seemingly gotten what I had expected for a brief period but I couldn’t face the fact when it comes to the time I had to give it away. That object could still be in the same shape and form when I first saw it – but what had changed now is MY emotional attachment to it. It was the whole chemical triggers within my body that gave me that attraction in the first place! Ugh.

Anyway, the good news is, while I can’t control my object of love, from being stolen, or broken ( or have a change of heart); I CAN control how I react about it. 

I know its easier said than done. What I am trying to say is we make the mistake of putting someone high up on a pedestal – that we hurt even trying to reach out for them. Somehow, we give a ‘god-like’ status to the person/object we love. We wrap all our happiness around them. We make them our world. The whole ‘you are my world’ sweet nothings are just that, nothings! It’s simply too much a burden for one person to carry. Besides, why must you give someone else the right to make you happy?  What’s the use of love that instead of making you feel carefree end-up leaving you at the mercy of others?

“Too much of anything can make you sick”  - Love too can end up as a curse, if you placed it on a right person the ‘wrong’ way , let alone to the wrong person in a ‘right’ way.

So if you are the kind to keep thinking WHY must you go through the pain in the name of love, I ask you to do this.

Let go.

Yes, let go of any and I repeat ANY expectations that anything or anyone other than Almighty God can bring you constant happiness. Momentary bliss yes you may obtain but if you want something eternal then love The Eternal Allah alone.

Just pure logic you see, If humans are mortals, how can you, even for a second, let yourself believe that their love would be immortal? Please, stay away from being a character in a romantic fairy-tales okay? Step back into reality. Here,take my hand J

There’s nothing wrong in wanting companionship, loving someone to spend your lifetime with. Love is sacred. However, be very cautious not to rely on your love to safeguard your heart. Set your priorities right. Love in the name of Allah, and remind yourself that :'Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return'

The only constant thing in life is change. And Humans, change. I hope you would choose to as well.

May you scintillate!

"Allah has promised to believers - men and women - Gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein [forever], and beautiful mansions in Gardens of everlasting bliss. But the greatest bliss is the Good Pleasure of Allah. That is the supreme felicity [or success]". (9:72)

The Birth of 'An Ocean Drop' - 11.1.11

May Peace Be With You.

Join me in welcoming Scintillate to the world of Blogging! *_*  Yea, I know I am a tad late in gettn this whole blogger thing started, but better late than never ey?

Why now, you wonder? Prolly not but I'll tell anyway *<>* hehe.
You see, today is 11.1.11. There was such a hype going on in Facebook and everywhere else I turn to about this date that people are either busy preparing a wedding, a proposal,a birth (not sure ifyou can actually plan that..but you know what I mean) etc...so I thought,I wanna add my initials in the craze too , and voila 'An Ocean Drop' was born!

Oh,about 'Scintillate', well clearly it's not my name ;but it is one of the most beautiful word in English,carrying the meaning  'To emit sparks, or fine igneous particles' to it - you know the kind that has shiny sparkly glowy and all the good stuff attached to it? I dont know, it sorta gave a really happy,magical vibe to me and I figured it would be nice to begin my blogging with something positive :).Knowing me better than anyone else, I am pretty sure the ensuing entries would tag gloominess to it sooner or later. So,cheers for a good start =) !

I hope to be dedicated enough to pen down my souls silent whisper in here and to anyone who even bothered to read this far I humbly thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Wishing you a compassionate heart, loving atmosphere and peaceful mind.

May you Scintillate :)